the hilarious part is that i have a separate, double private blog besides this one
just in case a completely personal blog isn’t private enough for my personally inspired personal musings
Every time I complete something, I feel like it no longer belongs to me. I’ve written all these songs, and some of them are good, some of them are really good, etc, but almost as soon as their finished I feel guilty taking credit for them. Like they aren’t something I just accomplished; like they didn’t come from me and nothing like them will ever come from me again. It’s true that I’ll never be able to do it again, and sometimes I feel like I can’t do it at all, but why should that nullify what I’ve already done
It should translate into faith in myself, but I have none, and that makes me sad and jealous of those who do talented things consistently.
Neither of which are feelings I want to hold on to
I’m stuttering so much more often than I used to
and I can’t stop picking my damn h a n d s
I really don’t feel that anxious at the moment but whiplash is a bitch
on the other hand
so many exciting things are happeninawngingoied
I just don’t feel right if I think someone is unhappy
nine times out of ten, if someone just held my hand all the time I wouldn’t feel anxious at all.
god i feel so much better now thank g od
episodes make me selfish
Taylor and I may not get a long all the time, and I may find her insufferable most days, but we have a good history and she is a pleasant distraction.
I’m glad she was here tonight, if nothing else.
god damn it
I’d be angry if I wasn’t so anxiously apathetic
6 days ago - 
2
2 “I’m feeling really emotionally decompensated, my coping is so impaired related to this situational crisis”.
I can’t even like, breath properly and I want to be around people but i absolutely cant because i think i would probably throw up and oh yeah where did the colours go i don’t know why can’t i just be asleep
